Today should be day 20 of the “write 31 days” challenge. If you look on the series page, though, there are just 13 posts published. I’m a little behind…
I fully intend to see the series through to the end, but at this point, I will certainly be writing about kids in the kitchen on into November. Characteristically, I entered the challenge full-steam ahead. My posts were planned and I was excited. I hope you were a little too.
Planning ahead notwithstanding, life does not slow down for blog deadlines or challenges to write everyday. This month has been FULL. Good, but full.
It’s about this time when I start to lose a little steam. Writing and productivity slow down. Honestly I needed a break. Between a commitment to put my family first and a commitment to not waste your time by publishing sub-par work, new posts are being spread out a little more. Perhaps I will pick it back up again and publish daily by the end of the month. Perhaps not. If you’re as busy as I am (and you most likely are), a slower reading pace should be fine.
There is more to the story than just the normal stuff of life taking precedence over daily writing, though. Since the beginning of the month I have been SO tired. Fatigued with a capital “F”. There’s also been some queasiness. Achy legs. And a persistent metallic taste in my mouth.
Is that hint enough?
Yep. We are expecting again.
I have run the gamut of emotions since seeing those two pink lines. I am certain I will continue to wade through the emotional ebb and flow which comes from new life after loss.
We have known for a few weeks now, but I can’t really ever seem to figure out exactly how I want to announce our new joy. A new life is growing inside me. A new heart that never beat before is pumping rhythmically away.
A miracle indeed.
And we are excited. Truly we are. But this time it’s a little different. I don’t want it to be different. And yet some things in life make indelible changes on your soul. We still miss James.
Little by little I’m facing my fears. Namely fearing losing another child. Conventional wisdom suggests waiting to announce a pregnancy until the second trimester. And while we have never followed conventional wisdom before, this time I wondered if I should.
But I think that for me, announcing this life and recognizing the joy in carrying another child is an important step in opening myself up to celebrate and rejoice.
We trusted the Lord through the death of our son. He kept us and held us through the sorrow. Sorrow which we are still facing.
I know He is faithful and good. What He is revealing in my heart right now is whether or not I value Him above everything else. Will He still be most beautiful and worthy of treasuring if I never hold this baby?
Answering yes to that question is the answer to my fears. What can separate me from the love of God? NOTHING.
I know this is likely one of the weirdest pregnancy announcements you’ve ever read. Searching Pinterest for ideas like adding a “g” to a jar of Prego or snapping a pic of an extra pair of shoes just didn’t seem right this time.
I “should” be eight months pregnant right now, not experiencing another round of first trimester nausea. However, life and death are in God’s hands, not mine. One thing I’ve worried over is if this is all too soon. But as I voiced these concerns to my husband and close friends, each of them have reminded me that God opens and closes the womb. My times are in His hands.
If you’ve stuck around to read this far, thank you for enduring a little rambling. I so appreciate all of you! Please join us in celebrating this new life!
If you have experienced life after losing a child, I’d love to hear your story. Sharing and listening to others’ stories has been a special, unexpected blessing these past few months.
Michelle says
Congratulations! Saying a prayer for you and your family! May the Lord give you strength through this pregnancy journey and comfort as you think upon your last!
Erin@The Humbled Homemaker says
Congrats, Lisa!! I am so incredibly happy for you!!! This is great news!!
Lisa says
Thank you Erin!
Kelly S says
Congratulations!!!
Rachel G says
Congrats on this new precious life! But I can understand how this would feel so different after going through what you and your family have gone through in recent months. I hope you are both safe and well in the months ahead!
SAMANTHA says
Congratulations!
Lisa says
Thanks!
Paige says
Dear friend! We are thrilled for you all!
“A new life is growing inside me. A new heart that never beat before is pumping rhythmically away. A miracle indeed.”
I loved those sentences! So true and so so good to hear in this dark world.
God has your good in His heart through everything He’s brought you through. He is producing gold!
Love you all dearly! Congratulations!
Lisa says
Thank you Paige! Love you guys too. Hope we can catch up soon.
Alysa says
I’m celebrating with you, Lisa! This is such joyful news, yet I’m glad you shared the other emotions you’re facing this time around while still missing little James. Your honesty and example have always moved me closer to Christ.
Lisa says
Thank you so much for your kind words Alysa.
Janelle Thietje-Dunn says
We’ve lost a twin, twice in two different pregnancies, and another loss just before the 2nd twin pregnancy. I was pregnant with the second set of twins only 6 wks after the singleton loss & that was a very hard pregnancy both emotionally and physically, that resulted in one (healthy) late-term preemie boy as the rainbow of blessing. And then, another healthy baby 2 yrs later. Pregnancy after loss is such a mixed bag. It is joy & fear & “what-if” & a whole bunch more all rolled into one. God bless you in this expected time. May you find joy, comfort, God’s Goodness and promise, regardless of the outcome as you grow your Rainbow Baby.
Lisa says
Oh Janelle, that does sound like a very difficult season to go through. I am so sorry for your losses. I am praying for a “regardless of the outcome” trust in God.
Kimberly says
Congratulations on your newest little one! We went through three very early miscarriages following our son but now have a spunky little girl who just turned 3. She was just what our hearts needed after our grief. God’s grace is amazing. Prayers that you aren’t filled with worry and for all to be well! ?
Lisa says
Yes, His grace truly is amazing. Thank you 🙂
Beth nixon says
Oh Lisa.
My heart is overjoyed for you, and scared all at the same time. Have you seen my beautiful Eli? He’s the brilliant handy work of my Father God. He’s the baby that was prayed for so diligently by so many people – Ladies in a bible study I had for years, family and friends. He’s the blessing that I longed for, for so very long.
Between Gabe and Eli are 9 years and 4 miscarriages. I know the joy and fear of those pink lines. The heart that is desperate to pass the 12 week mark, to pass every hurdle. It’s so hard. You can’t do it alone, and my prayer for you is that you will just lean on Jesus.
If I can help you in any way, just let me know!
I’ll be praying for you!
Lisa says
Beth, I am sorry for your losses. I am so thankful for the shelter we have in Christ, and the blessings He gives during and after the storm. Your children are beautiful gifts!
Melanie says
Lisa I am so excited for you guys! Congratulations!! We will be praying for you all. Look forward to chatting and seeing you soon
Lisa says
Thank you Melanie. I hope we can catch up soon too! 🙂
Rachel @ day2dayjoys says
So happy for you Lisa and your family. I know the fears you speak of, and I am praying for you through this!
Lisa says
Thank you for your prayers Rachel!