I was reminded again today of why I am so thankful our family has chosen to homeschool. And the reason may surprise you.
But then again, if you know me in real life, it probably actually will not be a shocker.
The real reason I plan to homeschool: I don’t want to have to fill out tardy slips everyday.
There I said it. I’m keeping my kids home because I am plagued by chronic tardiness.
(Not really. But sort of).
Take this morning. It’s day two of vacation Bible school and we need to be out the door by nine. I’m up hours early. Clothes are laid out. Absolutely nothing has to be packed to bring along. I have a plan for breakfast. And still, the last moments before we leave are spent in a hectic scramble to find the right shoes, to wipe all the jellied smoothie mouths, and to make sure everyone is strapped and snapped and buckled into their seats.
The drive there affords me the time to visualize the best parking spot, to plan the best route to everyone’s class (why is this church so big??!!), and to finish my breakfast (because, I’m a mom and finishing a meal in one place is so not likely).
We arrived and walked as swiftly as little preschooler legs can walk to my two boys’ respective classrooms, which are conveniently located on two different floors at the very end of their halls. Just saying. We made it just as everyone was beginning to line up and getting ready to “walk on the rope” as my boys referred to walking down the hall holding on to a rope.
I’m sorry to say that this scenario isn’t unique to this week. Arriving on time anywhere in the morning is just plain difficult. Even if we do manage to get there on time, it was at great cost to my sanity and it’s no wonder if I arrive looking a little flushed.
I look forward to the day when I can finish my breakfast while my kids find their own shoes, wipe their own mouths, and get themselves in the car ready to go. At this point, I have two out of three children who need help with shoes, mouth wiping, and car seat buckling.
Although even writing that reminds me that this whole little childhood phase is already going too fast.
For now, I can just say that I’m glad next year there will be no busses to catch or classes to show up on time for.
Just in case, though, I came up with a list of potential answers to write in the “reason my child is late to school” portion of the tardy slip:
“Reason My Child is Late to School”:
1. My child takes longer to chew scrambled eggs than it would take me to eat an entire ribeye.
2. His shoes are now blister-inducing fiends and alternatives had to be found.
3. The baby needed new clothes due to a particularly exciting diaper.
4. The baby needed new clothes due to a particularly exciting breakfast.
5. I forgot to dress the baby.
6. We kept our kids up too late watching Star Wars and to say they woke up on the wrong side of the bed is an understatement.
7. I stayed up too late watching three episodes of our current addiction and “lost” my alarm clock this morning.
8. Two words: Bed.Wetting.
9. I’m pregnant and finding clothes that fit my current size in one try is like winning the lottery.
10. I was busy writing a blog post about being late.
post Star Wars shenanigans with DIY light sabers
Do you suffer from chronic tardiness? Here are five indicators that you may have this condition too:
1. You set your alarm for three hours before you have to leave the house in the morning and still manage to be late.
2. Your kids hear you say “okay, be ready to jump out of the car and go!” on a weekly basis.
3. Your spouse changes the departure time to thirty minutes earlier just in hope of leaving at the real time.
4. Articles about how Type A friends don’t understand why everyone can’t be on time makes you wonder if your friends think you have serious issues.
5. The night before you need to be on time somewhere important, your sleep is interrupt by multiple dreams about what you need to do to be ready and what will happen if you’re late.
Of course, our plan to homeschool our children is motivated by much more than a desire to avoid the principal’s office. But if you’re on the fence about homeschooling and have chronic tardiness issues like me, staying home for school is certainly a perk worth considering!