We found out we were expecting a baby the day before we started out on a two-week road trip to visit family and friends in three different states this past Spring. We had been ready and hoping for the gift of life again and we were so excited.
Our plans for the day changed when we saw the two lines on the stick indicating new life. Instead of the day at home we had planned, we wanted to have the chance to tell the good news to my husband’s parents and his sister in person if possible before our trip.
Undoubtedly, they knew something was up. A hastily offered invitation to lunch when we ought to have been packing was rather a giveaway. With no fanfare other than the big smiles on our faces, we informed them that the Lord had blessed us with another child.
The next couple of weeks found us telling more family and more friends, and making our news public on social media. New life is worth celebrating and worth praying over.
When we returned from our trip, the morning sickness and fatigue had begun to set it. I took it easy and we all made adjustments to get through this season. Lots more snuggles in bed, lots more convenience foods, and lots of planning and wondering about my children’s new sibling.
first “bump” picture and big sister with a diaper looking on
Our first ultrasound came at about the time I was entering my second trimester. At fourteen weeks gestation, we saw our baby for the first time. A perfect little blessing.
After hearing the ultrasound technician’s confident guesses that our baby was a girl, we rejoiced at another sister and tentatively began to think of our baby in terms of lavender and yellow.
But it was still early to be really sure, which our next ultrasound would prove in a month’s time.
Surprise! Not a little sister, but a little baby boy. James Henry Burns. Named after his grandfather.
The news spread and friends and family celebrated with us, once again.
As our fourth baby and our third son, there were not many things to be done to prepare for his arrival. But what we lacked on a to-do list, we made up for in hopeful anticipation. Our children used Thanksgiving as a time marker to expect his birth and we often talked about the baby growing in mommy’s belly and how his birthday would be after daddy’s but before Christmas.
Just wait little ones, it will go by fast.
Our anatomy ultrasound not only revealed our baby’s true gender. It also revealed some concerns as well. The same day we met with a midwife at my practice, we met with a specialist at the hospital.
We had two more ultrasounds to look for potential issues. What we learned was that while there were some growth concerns, all of James’ organs looked fine. All we could do was wait and pray.
During this time, Psalm 139 was constantly on my mind. I knew that the Lord was the one forming James’ body in my womb. He made no mistakes. I rested in knowing that the Creator of all things, my heavenly Father, held James in His hands and ordered his life.
For You formed my inward parts;
You wove me in my mother’s womb.
I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Wonderful are Your works,
And my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth;
Your eyes have seen my unformed substance;
And in Your book were all written
The days that were ordained for me,
When as yet there was not one of them.
Psalm 139:13-16
The next part of James’ story is altogether too brief. I wish his story went on and on, but somewhere in James’ twenty-second week of life, his precious little heart stopped beating.
We found out just days ago when my husband and I arrived for a follow-up ultrasound at the hospital. We knew immediately what had happened. The images on the screen left no doubt.
That same day, we checked into the hospital and prepared for our son’s early arrival through an induced labor. The words of the hymn “God Moves In A Mysterious Way” were a comfort and gave me direction to pray and truth to focus my thoughts upon when all I could do was lay in bed and wait.
Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take;
The clouds ye so much dread
Are big with mercy and shall break,
In blessings on your head.
James was born early Saturday morning and was greeted by two loving parents. We held his precious little body, counted his tiny fingers, and kissed his sweet head. We sang his brothers’ and sister’s favorite lullabies and gave him teary assurances of all our love and sorrow at not getting to know him longer.
We weep at the loss of our son and grieve that we have had to say goodbye so early.
In the midst of our deep sorrow, we are standing on the promises of God. He is our rock in this storm and our ever-present help in time of trouble.
We are still confident that God makes no mistakes. He knew the days ordained for our precious son before he was yet formed in my womb. He will hold him until we can meet him again.
I am not sure what the upcoming weeks and months will look like. They may hold a few answers. They will certainly hold many more tears and many, many more hugs and kisses to and from our small children.
You can be praying for our family as we navigate these new waters:
Pray for tenderness with our children as they mourn the loss of their brother.
Pray for our marriage as we seek to care for and love each other well in the midst of great sorrow.
Pray for our hearts as we seek to trust and to submit to our good and gracious Father.
Pray for what is not understood, what is hard, and what is so painful, to become an occasion to know our Lord more deeply and to be a testimony of His love and mercy.
We listened to this hymn during the day waiting on the birth of our son. The words of the second stanza especially were a comfort to me during the time.
SHERRY COLEMAN (Tim's mom) says
Lisa, Tim shared your sorrow with us today. You are being lifted before the Lord in our home. “Bear one another’s burdens…”
Sherry
Pastor Fred and Donna Leuck, Michigan says
When King David’s newborn son became deathly ill we read: ““The elders of his household stood beside him to get him up from the ground, but he refused, and he would not eat any food with them. On the seventh day the child died. David’s servants were afraid to tell him that the child was dead, for they thought, “While the child was still living, we spoke to David but he would not listen to us. How can we tell him the child is dead? He may do something desperate.” David noticed that his servants were whispering among themselves and he realised that the child was dead. “Is the child dead?” he asked. “Yes,” they replied, “he is dead.” Then David got up from the ground. After he had washed, put on lotions and changed his clothes, he went into the house of the LORD and WORSHIPED!! Then he went to his own house, and at his request they served him food, and he ate. His servants asked him, “Why are you acting in this way? While the child was alive, you fasted and wept, but now that the child is dead, you get up and eat!” He answered, “While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept. I thought, ‘Who knows? The LORD may be gracious to me and let the child live.’ But now that he is dead, why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I WILL GO TO HIM but he will not return to me.”” 2 Samuel 12:17-23, NIV.
Even in sorrow and loss David understood God’s Sovereignty over these horrendous events and, like Job of old, WORSHIPED God. His comfort was that one day he would see his son again! May the Lord grant you peace as you rest in his good and perfect will.
Ai says
Lisa, I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I will be praying for you and your family, that the God of all comfort and the One who understands the pain of your heart better than anyone, will help you through this difficult time.
Lisa says
Thank you Ai. We appreciate your prayers.
MaryAnn Joseph says
Lisa and Jeff,
I am so sorry to hear of the passing of your precious child. My Heartfelt sympathy to both of you during this time of mourning. May the Holy Spirit bring you much comfort.
Lisa says
Thank you MaryAnn.
Melissa says
I am so sorry for your loss. I have no inspiring words of wisdom, just a hug and thank you for sharing your story. It is a touching tribute to your son.
Lisa says
Thank you Melissa.
Natalie Busch @Messy Mom says
I am grieving with you shedding many tears as I read this. It absolutely breaks my heart to see this report, but your strength, hope, and reliance on God in the midst of this storm is truly inspiring. I will be praying for you and your family.
Lisa says
Much grace and mercy is needed and given Natalie. Thank you so much for your prayers. We really do need them.
Sue says
Lisa and Jeff. My heart is aching for you and your sweet family. Please know that you are loved and prayed for. I remember Jeff’s words from the pulpit regarding the first concerns. Whatever God has ordained you would trust Him. You are precious to us and we will continue to pray for you all.
Lisa says
Thank you Sue. We are so blessed by our church family.
Lisa/Syncopated Mama says
I just walked through this heartbreaking journey with a friend of mine and want you to know that you have my prayers and I know hers, as well, when I share this news.
Lisa says
I’m am sorry for your friend’s loss. Thank you for praying for us.
Abigail @ They're Not Our Goats says
Oh Lisa, I am so sorry for your loss. My heart aches for you. I will most certainly be praying for you and your family as you go through this together. <3
Lisa says
Thank you for your prayers, Abigail.
Alysa says
My prayers are yours. Thank you for sharing this with us! <3
"Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak knits up the o-er wrought heart and bids it break.”
― William Shakespeare, Macbeth
Lisa says
Thank you Alysa. And yes, getting part of the story out was both helpful and so hard.